Did I need to ask my doctor-damn straight

I carefully listened to very bad news that my blood is skyrocketing again. It is a very dangerous range. How disappointing, but did’nt think it was “life threatening” I just have a bit of jet lag, that’s all. No it was much more serious, I was experiencing high levels of pain and varying temperatures.  I don’t pick up my walking stick until there is no other choice.

So as I shuffle around the hospital cringing on every step with my right leg giving me no support. I ask the doctor, can I still attend the conference at the end of the month of Feb. It seems so far off yet.  She retorts,  I hope you bought refundable tickets or travel insurance. The second was true, and my head just sunk into my chest even with an exoskeleton brace, she could clearly see my disappointment.

My hubby chimmed in, I would not be surprise if she got to Texas by hook or by crook. They both had a good giggle because they know that when I get my mind set on something I rarely let go. But the frustrating thing is not that I am missing an amazing conference, but my future is filled with another battery of scans and likely radiation. I have not had radiation in over 2 years, and it took me months to crawl out of that pit. Tired day and night feeling like you fell asleep on the beach and don’t know what day it is.

I have noticed a benefit to my pain, as sick and demented as that sounds. My day goes much slower, I am constantly monitoring the clock to know when I can possible take the next set of pain killers. Oddly enough I get to enjoy more simple moments with my loving daughter who told me she would take very good care of me as she got out her doctors kit and put a blanket over me and tucked me in.  My heart just melted at that moment, but I did my utmost best not to cry. Because my future is very uncertain, I did not feel it was right to say that everything would be okay. Because frankly I can’t fake it. I am honest down to the bone. My honestly is another post, for another time.